Good Deeds

Give someone 5 minutes of your time


As part of my mission to recover from my recent nervous breakdown I decided to give something back to the community.

I used to work as a nursing home administrator and spent a lot of time around elderly dementia patients and their loved ones. Since this experience i have a massive place in my heart for folks in nursing homes. Ive seen them deteriate and the pain and torment they have been through. As the admin I didnt get much time to spend quality time but always popped round to say hello and give up some of my time to have a chat with them and talk about anything. Even though their memories were limited I tried to ask them questions that might drum up some good memories from there past.

A few of my favourite ladys and gentleman in the home will always be in my heart and taught me a lot about compassion and life.

Frank who was a lovely gentleman in his 90s he used to talk about working in the mines and about his car which was a Saturn, he said it was really fast and sporty. I was told recently that Frank has passed away which was sad news. His son and daughter were daily visitors and did everything they could for him.

Pat, she’s a cheeky one as im sure her granddaughter would agree. She always joined in on any activities and had a cheeky giggle. Her granddaughter always had a story to tell when she had taken here out for a few hours. Pat liked to wind her up and would do funny things like shout on the bus saying she had been kidknapped and then start laughing. Fantasic lady.

Dorothy and Ursula both of these were true ladies. They loved singing and dancing. Dorothy was a rum one too and was sometimes cheeky but in a lovable way.

There were loads more I was close too and do miss. But will always have a special place in my heart and will never forget.

The Good Deed

I saw an old friend that was struggling to find someone to wear a costume for the nursing home she works for. They were having a open day to celebrate the 25th Anniversary of the home and wanted one of their special guest appearances to be the Warrington Wolves rugby teams mascot Wolfie.

As part of my mental health improvements I thought this would be a excellent opportunity for me to give something back so I wholeheartedly volenteered to dress up for them.

It had been a chilly week, mid October we didnt expect it on the day but the weather had taken a vast turn from cold to warm. The sun was cracking the flags and the temperature had risen to about 18 degrees Celsius. I thought ‘im going to melt in that costume’.

I got myself sorted and headed down to the home.

The outside had a huge notice of the event in hand and there were cars parked along the road as well as the car park. A local community police van was also there and the Mayor of Warringtons car.

The front door was coded but a visitor who knew the code helped me inside. I looked around and it was bursting with happy faces.

The room where all the entertainment was on was full and all the residents wore sparkly party hats and where dancing and clapping along to the singer that was entertaining them.

I found Lucy who I had arranged to come through.

We went into the managers office and she opened this massive red back and there it was! The official rugby mascot outfit, the same one that goes out on the pitch itself. WOW!! Im a fan of the team so this was something special.

The outfit consisted of 5 parts, a sleaveless romper suit with grey fury legs, a top which was mess on the chest and gret fury arms with paws at the end ( my arms didnt fit it fully and i had to ruffle it up a bit at the gloves, no one wants to meet a floppy handed mascot) then the rugby tshirt and shorts and then this humongous Wolf head which i stuggled to out of πŸ˜‚.

The music stopped and it was time for me to do my bit and walk into the spotlight. Very nervously i was guided into the room. Everyone clapped and smiled and the kids were just as excited as the adults. The music was still playing so i started to have a little boogie stood there, heart going 10 to a dozen!

Then it was time to have a million photos taken with residents, staff, guests, children and the Mayor and police.

Wow it was hot but I carried on.

We walked into the quiet room and i met a few more residents and had photos taken.

Then we visited the residents who were bed bound. This was the most tear jerking for me. I shook there hands and had photos. One of these ladies was giggling like a school girl with excitement and kept tight hold of my hand. I cant tell you how emotionally happy i was hidden inside there knowing that this simple ask of kindness had such a positive inpact on these lovely folk.

Then it was time to say goodbye, so i was led back into the main room. By this point i was sweating so much i felt like i could pass out any second but i kept my strength up for this last 5 minutes. I waved and shook hands and imitated my goodbyes ( wasnt allowed to speak) and left, making my wau back to the office to peel it all off me.

I really do mean the word ‘peel’! I was dripping and ready to drop. It was a relief to take the huge head off and get some air to my face and lungs.

I got changed, sprayed that much deodrant im suprised it didnt set the alarms off and packed up and went to find Lucy.

They had bought me a bottle of fizz as a thank you but i told them to add it to the raffle.

I honestly meant ut when i said the pleasure was all mine. To see them all happy meant more to me than anything. I would do it again in an instance.

I know how much it meant to all of them and im proud to of battled against my nerves to do this for them. It was a truelly terrifingly exasperating 30 minutes but i did it!!

I think everyone should give some of their time up to give to others.

The elderly have such a bit part of my heart because they helped create today. The things we have are because they fought for it. WW1 and 2, Womens rights, slavery laws, you name it, its down to these guys that are at the last stages of their life now. Nothing we can do could ever repay them for what they fought for and achieved for us but if we all do a little bit to make their days at least its something.

Thanks for reading


Ps will add more photos when i get them sent to me 😊

Positive thinking πŸ’–

my guardian angel dragged me back from hell

I recently got told by someone that they were sick of seeing and hearing negative comments from people (myself included).

Now this person is someone who is very close to me and I never take anything they say as an insult, instead I question it.

‘Have I been too negative?’

‘Am I transferring my negative thoughts and feelings onto loved ones?’

‘Why am I feeling so negative and how can I change it?’

A few weeks back I hit rock bottom due to certain events in my life. Everything had built up and when the last grain of emotionally draining sand landed on top of this mountain of stress id been under, I broke! And I mean I really broke. I had a nervous breakdown which totally detroyed every feeling and emotion I had. When I say detroyed, I dont mean they incinerated, quite the opposite! They all excelled with such force I couldnt control the conflict in my head! There is a fine line between love and hate and when they combined its the most powerful force of confusion ever.

I couldnt concentrate. I couldnt deal with day to day tasks. I would start crying and not know why. I had muscle tremors all over including my face which I had no control of. I actually thought it was going to be the end of me. I also wished it would be so I didnt have to deal with this nuclear war going on inside me. I was so angry and hurt and continued to punish myself without meaning too.

Until my guardian angel dragged me away, far away from the tormoil at home and too a place I didnt have chance to think. I will never be able to repay her the amount of love and appreciation I felt. Totally overwhelmed by this persons act of pure love and kindness to help me have space away from all the negitivity. She saved me that week and i will forever be grateful always.

Since this is the same person who i mentioned at the beginning of this post. I had to think and fight this as if i continue with the negativity it would be like kicking her in the teeth and I would never do anything to harm her in anyway, physically, psychologically or emotionally.

Nows the time to fight back and let all my positivity resurface. Down with the negative, be gone!

Ive started filling my home with positive influences and im on a mission to do good for others. Any act of kindness will push my positivity right from my surface and i will start to glow.

Dont let anyone make you loose your sparkle!

Say YES to adventures

Be charitable and help those who need it.

Try to avoid negative people so not to absorb it.

Surround myself with happiness and love.

Smile more!

With every step in a new breath.

Talk to people, talk to any and every person you meet.

Keep productive.

Fill your mind with hope.

Destiny is in your hands, it unlocks which ever door you choice.

Learn from your mistakes and have a positive view of your future.

No more bad thoughts I promise xxx

Christmas on facebook

Spread Love Xmas 2017

Theres a lot of controversy on this subject.

Battle of the mums – tis nearly the season for all the facebook posts of Christmas eve living rooms. Santa has (apparently) delivered all the gifts for the children and had his drink and mince pie left out for him (no wonder hes obese) and rudolf got his carrot!

Then come the facebook posts of living rooms full of presents!!

Theres a massive competition on whos house has the most gift. Mountains of presents yet to be opened at the brink of dawn by millions of children across the land.

Has nice as this seems it has has I mentioned “a competition” of keep up with Jone’s.

Some people are able to finance this with no worries at all. Great news gor them and if thats what they can do thats amazing!

But for others its the most stressful time of the year and not the season of joy but the season of maxed out credit cards ans bankruptcy.

The pressure thats put on parents to make sure their children dont feel inadequate to their peers.

You set a budget but because of the living costs these days its hard to save a couple of quid let alone the cost of Christmas.

As the time reaches Christmas eve and you watch your screens filled with pictures that look like they have had to remove furniture to fit it all in and you compare it with your smaller amount of gifts you feel depressed and like a failure because you couldn’t reach the demand.

Christmas day after everything is unwrapped and your children out aside the gifts and run out to their friends to tell them what they got and then their horrified faces that their friend got something they asked for but you couldn’t afford. You fill up to the brim with guilt and sadness whilst trying to explain that the reson they didnt get it is not because santa thought they were naughty but ran out of stock.

The run ups even worse….. my daughter starting making her list on boxing day and no way can i get half of it.

TV adverts shown all year round on every cartoon station. You search on google on how you can raise the money or find it at a bargain cost!

Christmas is no longer the season of love and goodwill but who gets the most and expensive.

Its not our kids fault, they dont know any different and have no understanding of money and budgets. The parents that can offer everything are rightly so proud of their posts but those that can not see their posts as another kick in the teeth.

Dont let yourself enter the rat race. Budget for what you can afford. Teach your child that gluttony is not a good thing. Teach your child appreciation of the colouring book and pencils you got at the pound shop. I bet they play more with these than that Β£200 doll they got which will at some stage get thrown in at the bottom of the toy box.

Teach them the real meaning of christmas, religious or not its about spending “time” with family and friends. Its being charitable and joyful.

Lots of places do toy collections for people who cant afford things, get your children to donate a gift. They will feel amazing and proud.

Christmas Charity Collection

Cash for kids

And please, those that are posting the Everest of presents, spare a thought for those struggling to make ends meat. Im not just talking about unemployed but people who work every god send hour and only manage to cover the household bills.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas 2017.

Remember to visit lonely family members or friends, you have no idea how much this simple bit of your time means to them.


Thank you for reading xx


Mental Health

In it together

I want to be an inperation to others battling with anxiety and depression. Sometimes everyone will go through things in life that they struggle to deal with and for some of us, the smallest of things can tip the balance. Just know you are not alone and even when you cant find someone to talk to there are lots of charities around which will help. These charities are run by kind helpful people who have probably been walking down the same descructive path we have but they came through to the other side and use it positively to help others. Im a supporter of the Mind Charity. They do so so much to help people with a variety of mental health issues. I know how difficult it is to contact someone for help. Trust me, it took a huge amount of effort for me to pick up the phone and call for help. Dont let yourself be isolated with your demons! This can be your first step and its a massive step so be proud of yourself. The second you get off the phone you will feel that little bit of pressure taken from you and you will feel the weight being lifted. Its not going to be a overnight cure, it will take time. But this is showing how strong each of you are. Your battling against one of the hardest things you ever will do ‘Yourself’. Big hugs to all of you. Your doing fantasically! Im also here with a friendly ear anytime you need to release some weight xx See below other mental health charities.

Demons of the mind

Hell isnt just in the depths of the underworld

Feeling so alone but dont dare speak.

Struggling today, really struggling. Im trying to keep the demons at bay.

Ive had a shower to try and drown them but there still the with their little pick axes chipping away at my mind. Taking all my motivation, convincing me I would be better away from it all.

The problem isnt massive, more irritating than anything else but these demons, these nasty barbaric souls that have been festering in my mind twist and turn at everything making is seem bigger, more scary, less manageable.

Everyone is sick of me. Ive no where left to vent and cant hide so im stuck. Chip chip chip away they go.

I cant be bothered with anything, its all too much of a task!

Im all alone with no one to look after me.

Me such a selfish word! Why do I think I deserve a second of anyones time? Im nothing, im a no one!

I dont even think anyone would notice if I vanished into thin air. I am of no importance.

The world still turns, life still goes on, people still think the fact their shoes dont match their dress is a “major incident”.

Who cares??

Who should care??

No one

Feeling Stronger

Today Ive felt so confident and powerful.

If a negitive thought enters my mind im learning to quickly change my thinking to something creative.

Decorating – one of the things thats productive and positive. Ive been tranforming my hall, stairs and landing into a “woodland wonderland” filled with my favourite critters, squirrels, hedgehogs, foxes and owls. The woodland is somewhere I feel at ease for some bizarre reason. I think I was a squirrel in my past life, playful and confident! Jumping tree from tree collecting nuts and fruits of the forest. I find painting very therapeutic, and love the smell of a clean crisp freshly painted home. As Doris Day sings in Calamity Jane “A touch of paint, a magic nail
Can turn a kitchen chair into a Chippendale“.

Knitting & Crocheting – I have about 20 balls of wool all with started creations with a knitting needle or crochet hook on the end. I dont have a plan for any of them but again I find this therapeutically mind calming. The repetivness as I concentrate on each stitch. Granted the end of my fingers get a bit tired and sore but at least my mind is free from negativity that causes my anxiety. My nan taught me to knit when I was young and once you have learnt you never forget. Like riding a bike.

Baths – might sound a bit morbid but my ideal end of life would be to be lay in a bath surrounded by rose petals and scented candles with a relaxing mood music. Meditation I find easiest when im soaking in a hot bath. Peace & Tranquillity. I wonder if Jim Morrison chose the bath as his final destiny?

Writing – there is nothing better for the mind than fetching your mind onto paper whether it be writing or drawing or painting, let you creative side take control of withdrawing all your emotions, thoughs and feeling out of you and transform them into an abiss of creative art. I recently watched a documentary about Jim Carrey and how he copes with his demons and WOW I was totally amazed and inspired by his talents! Not only is this man the reason most of us that grew up in the 90s have such a cracking sense of humour. Fetched up with his comically genius roles in films like Ace Ventura Pet Detective and Dumb and Dumber we see him as ‘the funny guy’ but theres so much more to him. He too has battled with his inner demons but instead of letting them control him, he turns them into magnificent art work. Such an inspiration to others.

Jim Carey – I need colour

Sometimes its difficult to get yourself motivated enough to challange your demons. But I promise every day is a brand new gift, every day will be different and there will be days when you feel great and on top of the world. REMEMBER THESE DAYS


Thanks for reading xx



The part of you that bubbles in the pit of your stomach.

Fire bursting from your chest.

Your head feels like a volcano ready to erupt.

Nothing can stop it and anything can start it!

Im burning from the inside

At any moment will spontaneously combust.

Face twitching as your muscles tighten.

I dont want to feel like this

I want it to go away

But i sit smouldering with so much hate and emotion

Sparks of Negitive energies flying out of me from every direction

Where can i run too

How can i escape

Im a scorching out of control raging inferno

Evil pure evil